A Symphony and a Wizengamot
by whispers in the morning
Summary: The young adult that Lily Luna Potter has become tries to make her way through life and romance in downtown London. Sequel of 'A Broom and a Violin'.
1. Prologue: Vienna

A Symphony and a Wizengamot

I. Vienna (Prologue)

**A/N: This is the sequel to **_**A Broom and a Violin**_**. I haven't changed the rating, although I will be a bit more explicit, and there might be some swearing, but nothing to deserve anything other than a T. (Although please let me know if you disagree!)**

_*****Trigger warnings for this chapter only!*****_** Implied self-harm and suicide attempt (past).**

The flat was in an attic. It was small and the ceiling was slanted, but at least it had skylights. The kitchen had mid-century appliances and a tiny two-place table. In the one, cramped bedroom, there was a mattress, but no bed. In the bathroom, half a dozen creative contraptions held everything into place.

Well, Lily loved her flat. It had charm, and its size made it feel homey when she lived in it alone. It even had relatively good acoustics! What more could Lily ask for?

She _could_ ask for a chimney and access to the Floo Network. Oh well. Owls and Apparition suited Lily's socialising purposes just fine.

Yes, Lily loved her flat. She loved the campus, too. The International Magical Academy of Musical Transfiguration (IMAMT) reminded Lily of Hogwarts, Gringotts, and Muggle opera houses, all at once. Its stone walls, multiple chambers and friendly ghosts were like those of Lily's old school. The IMAMT stood hidden in the middle of Vienna, just as Gringotts did in London. The Academy's music rooms and decorations were intricate and ornate, and there seemed to be red velvet anywhere Lily looked. There were instruments everywhere, too.

There were other places Lily found herself often: the Muggle symphony practice room and the Quidditch pitch. Although these places had less character than her flat and the IMAMT, she loved them for what they allowed her to do. Lily had been hired as the first replacement seeker for her neighbourhood's Quidditch team – it gave her an opportunity to keep flying, as well as a small income. She had also been hired as a second violin in a Muggle symphonic orchestra – it, too, provided her a small income. It also allowed her to keep playing the violin for fun, rather than for enchantments only.

In Vienna, Lily's life had fallen into place. She only did fun, interesting and stimulating things (transfiguration, music, Quidditch, shagging, philosophical conversations over coffee). She had friends: a beater called Hannah, a Muggle cellist called Joseph, a Muggle violist called Greta, and fellow transfiguration students Wes and Felicia.

Most days and most nights, Lily was alone in her flat. Sometimes, her magical friends came over for tea, and they talked for hours about the last Quidditch World Cup (with Hannah) or about Muggle composers (with Wes and Felicia).

One night, some time during Lily's second year in Vienna, Wes had come over for tea and had ended up staying at Lily's place for nineteen months. It had come naturally, somehow. Lily liked his body. It was stringy and pale, but strong. His hair was dark and a bit longer than it should be. He had scars – not like Uncle Bill's or Uncle Charlie's – thin white scars littering his forearms, and another single one circling his neck.

Lily knew what the scars meant. She knew it had not taken much for her to refrain from putting the same scars on her body, when she had been at Hogwarts. Because of it, she knew that even though Wes was doing fantastic now, there would always be a small part of his heart in which the scars were fresh. In that part, Wes was still a bullied, awkward, unloved, lonely fifteen-year-old, and all he needed was a bit of comfort. There were things from Wes's past that Lily would never understand, but there were also things from Lily's past that Wes would never understand. It did not matter to them; all they wanted was someone to shag, sleep beside, and discuss Wagner over breakfast with. And so they did together.

Lily liked living with someone who wanted to have sex with her. They shagged in the kitchen, in the small bathtub, on the tiny space of floor in front of the couch, and in the bed. Their sex was sometimes tender, often rough, and always exhilarating.

They talked a lot, too. After all, they had been friends before lovers. They talked about their respective schools, about their favourite composers, about orchestral melody separation, about the instruments' perks, about any and every thing that crossed their mind. Lily liked that, too.

She also liked Wes. But at the end of their fourth year, when they were both graduating, they said goodbye as friends. They parted ways, promising to write. He returned to Berlin, his home town, to work in a magical recording studio. Lily had received a job as a co-head of music for the Wizard Wireless Network (WWN) in London, and she was heading there after graduation.

Lily would never forget the four years she had spent in Vienna. She would never forget Wes and her other friends. She knew she would miss the city, her flat, her professors, her friends, her teammates, and her fellow orchestra players. But at the same time, she was glad to be going back to England. She would be closer to her family. She would be closer to Sarah and her friends from Hogwarts. Most importantly, she would be closer to Paul.

When Lily had left Hogwarts, she had not gone to see Paul, heading straight to Vienna instead. Now, she was determined to make Paul a priority. It had been five years since she had last seen him! So, when she finished moving into her new flat in London (surprisingly like the one she had in Vienna, but slightly bigger, with a chimney and floo access), she headed straight for his flat.

That's not quite true. Lily headed straight to the Leaky Cauldron, where Hannah Abbott gave her his address. He lived near Diagon Alley, in the cheaper magical neighbourhood, just like she did. In fact, he lived only a few streets away. His flat was much bigger than hers, though, and much nicer too.

It was nine in the morning, which was not very early by Lily's standards. However, she did remember that Paul was not at all a morning person, so she brought him coffee. Checking her reflection in the window one more time and gathering her courage, Lily raised her free hand to Paul's door and knocked confidently. There was a bit a commotion on the other side, and heavy footsteps going down the stairs before the door finally opened.

Paul looked… completely grown up. After all, it had been five years. His hair was messy and he had stubble on his cheeks and chin. Because he was standing in his underwear, Lily could admire that he was filled-in were he had not been before (especially around the tummy area, where his muscles were slack, and on his cheeks).

"…Lily? What…" he looked confused and sleepy. "What?"

Lily knew he had never been a morning person, so she just smiled and talked cheerfully:

"Good morning, Paul! I was in the neighbourhood, so I just thought, you know, I'd bring you coffee! How are you doing?"

He looked at her as though he was trying to find all the pieces of a puzzle. Lily heard new footsteps go down the stairs, and she saw _her. She_ was tall, with brown hair and a classically beautiful face. Even dressed in a nightgown, she was still more graceful than Lily had ever been. Lily gaped.

"Honey, what's up, it's so early, you don't think it's…" _She_ looked at Lily. "Who are you?"

Lily's acting instincts kicked in. She put on a street accent and motioned her purse. "So, sir, no enchanted umbrella for you this morning? It's too bad, they're good sellers. Sorry to disturb you, ma'am, have a brilliant day!" And she shut the door and got away from it as fast as possible.

It was fine. It was absolutely fine. It was just another problem for her to fix, that was all.


	2. Oak Matured

II. Oak-Matured

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who had taken an interest in the sequel! A special thank you to greenluva89 for your review.**

_*****Trigger warning for this chapter*****_** Alcohol abuse. Subtle (?) reference to mild drug use. Death-related thoughts.**

Paul had found himself a beautiful, classy girlfriend. And right he should: he was in the field of Magical Law and appearances were important. Well, Lily could be charming and cheerful too. She was not very elegant – she mostly dressed in not-very-form-fitting clothing in solid colours – and she had flaming red hair, but could act like the Queen of England if she had to.

Yes, Lily could handle this. She had seen worse. She had seen death. She had seen depression. She had seen a life without Quidditch. Oh, the terrors! Winning Paul back would be a piece of cake.

Or would it be? It had been five years. He might be a different person. She… she was still the same, but she had grown so much: she was more mature, she was better at Transfiguration, she was better at sex, she was happier, she liked herself more. But if Paul loved her when she was a caterpillar, why would he not love her as a butterfly? Why would he not love her now that she was the person she was always supposed to become?

But what if Lily was not what Paul wanted, needed, or loved anymore? What if he had changed to that extent? Tears filled Lily's eyes as she turned the key to her flat. She closed the door behind her, leaned against it, and Luna's words came to her mind: _"__You need to allow yourself to be sad before you can be happy, you know. Or else you'll never deal with things."_

How did people normally deal with finding out that their first love (whom they wanted back) was now romantically involved with a very attractive and perfect-looking person? Lily had no idea whatsoever.

How did people normally deal with finding out especially unpleasant things? The only thing Lily could think of was alcohol. She remembered Hagrid's death, when she was just a child: her parents had taken a glass of Firewhiskey in his memory. She remembered Professor Johnson on Christmas night years ago. She remembered Uncle Ron's drunken rants when Rose had announced that Scorpius Malfoy was moving in with her.

Okay, she would get pissed. It sounded good. She hoped it would work. She wondered how it would feel – she had never taken alcohol in Vienna, except for the occasional beer with Hannah. Her other friends preferred tea, coffee, and herbal cigarettes.

Before she got drunk, though, she supposed she should probably cheer herself up a bit. A visit to Uncle George at Diagon Alley, a strawberry and peanut butter ice cream at Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour, and a couple of hours at Flourish and Blotts would do the job nicely. Gathering her courage and hoping to find her uncle on one of his good days (the yearly war memorial had only been two weeks ago), she walked to Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. The sunshine caressed her cheeks. She wanted this to go well.

George's store shone in the light, as it usually did. Lily pushed the door open and made her way through the store cautiously, knowing a prank was never far away in this territory. She saw her uncle's hair before anything else; he was standing behind the counter, wishing a customer goodbye. He spotted her before she had the chance to say anything.

"Lily! Come here! It's been so long!"

He Apparated beside her and surprised her with a tight hug.

"Well,_ I _was at the Burrow last Christmas, and I didn't _make_ you and Angelina spend the holidays in the Canary Islands!"

He laughed. "Have you gone to see your parents yet?"

"Well, I saw them last week at my graduation, but I'll go home tomorrow for dinner. Did you see Mum recently?"

"I did! She told me all about those Wireless shenanigans you got yourself into. Congratulations on that job, by the way. When are you starting?"

"In two weeks. Thanks, Uncle George. I'm rather proud of that job. So, what's new in store?"

George showed her around his store, bragging about his new additions, and once turning her hairclip in a butterfly. Lily giggled freely. Her uncle smiled.

"What?"

"It's just – you're the funniest," he said while chuckling. "I mean, you come in here all grown up, 'young woman' and everything, and then you just… giggle like you did when you were two. It's kind of unsettling, actually."

In someone else's mouth, the words might have sounded cliché, but in George's mouth they just made Lily giggle more.

"But giggling's so _fun!"_

"I know! Why do you think I do this job?" George pointed out, still chuckling.

Once they finished the tour of the store, Lily's purse was filled with her favourite products and a couple of new additions.

"So… how are you really, Lily?"

George was serious. It intimated her a bit, yet she was still comfortable – she would always be comfortable around him.

"Um… okay. Well. On… one side, I'm really happy. Everything's just so beautiful and it's sunny and I'm really excited about my job. But…" She sighed. "Remember Paul Haver?"

George's eyes sparkled mischievously. "Your boyfriend from Hogwarts?"

"Yeah. Well I reckon he has a girlfriend now. I saw her, she looks like… like the perfect wife or something. It's crazy I mean… when did we get so old?"

He rolled his eyes. "Old? Tell me about it. So, I take it you're jealous."

Her cheeks reddened significantly. "Quite. Very… Anyway. What about you, uncle George? How are you holding up?"

George's eyes clouded. He sighed: "I'm… honestly? Like dragon dung. Angie… she moved to the flat on top of the Hogsmeade store. Says it's temporary, but… And it sort of all happened around the memorial, it was just… Well, you know what the Muggles say: 'Shit happens!' It'll get better eventually."

Lily patted his shoulder. "Of course! Hitting a rough patch is normal."

"Anyway, I figured I should tell you, even though it's… probably nothing. You're old enough to know."

At the memory of finding out about Neville and Hannah's divorce the wrong way, she put extra emphasis on her words: _"Thank you!"_

"And I hope things work out with Paul. Or another guy, who knows, huh?"

He winked her goodbye. She waved and returned to Diagon Alley.

After having finished her large ice cream, Lily rushed to Flourish and Blotts. She had missed the library so much – magical libraries in Austria did not have a very large selection of English books. Lily was flipping through a novelty: _"The Harpies Through Time," _a history of her favourite Quidditch team. It was full of moving colour-pictures. There was a full page dedicated to her mother, which sent a rush of pride through Lily's heart. She stopped at the last page, where there was a picture of the current team: Sarah grinned at the back; she was the replacement chaser. Her hair was cut short and she looked fitter than she had as a teenager.

"Lily! Ooh!"

Seconds later, Lily was standing face-to-face with the real Sarah, who looked just like she did in the picture, save for the fact that she was now squealing with glee.

"It's been so fucking _long!_ Oh, I've missed you so much! How are you?"

At the very moment, Lily felt wonderful: she was reunited with her ecstatic best friend. "Great! It's so good to be in London. I've missed you lots too, love. Are you good?"

"Yeah, fantastic!" Sarah looked about to explode with excitement. "Ooh! You know the girl I've told you about in my last letter?"

Lily nodded and smiled expectantly.

"We're official! She kissed me at the end of our match against bloody Puddlemere – in front of everyone! Ugh, it was wonderful! It was just – _the best_ – so much better than that noodle Jennifer. Ooh, Lily, I _have_ to introduce you! You'll love her – her mum's a Muggle oboist, so she's been raised to love Muggle music. I'm sure you'll get along wonderfully. Actually, you know what? Why don't you come to my place for dinner tomorrow?"

Sarah was a whirlwind of happiness. Lily smiled in empathy; she felt excited for her friend. Fortunately, though, she remembered her dinner with her family.

"Make it the day after."

"Tuesday night. Perfect! I didn't tell you she's in the Harpies too, right? She's there." Sarah pointed a short blonde with long, curly hair on the team picture in the book. "Allie Trimble. Keeper." She beamed.

"Ah, she looks lovely! I can't wait to meet her! Plus, I've only seen my uncle and Paul since I've arrived here…"

Sarah looked sympathetic. "Oh, so you know."

"Know what?" Lily was puzzled.

"That he's engaged with Helena Borage."

"Oh." The air left Lily's lungs at once. It would not be very hard to get pissed tonight, apparently.

Sarah tried to make her feel better, to no avail. "Honestly, Lily, he's become a right arse. You're better off with some other guy. Even Gale would be better at this point!"

"You're right. Anyway, have you bought this book?" She motioned to _"The Harpies Through Time"_ in an attempt to change the subject. "Is it any good?"

"Worth every one of the eleven Sickles it costs. The piece on your mum is just perfect. There's something on your aunt, too. And the early years are fascinating! All the lobbying these women had to do to get their own team! It's really inspiring."

Lily grinned. "I'll get it then! It was really nice talking to you, Sarah. See you Tuesday!"

Lily's last stop was Ogden and Sons, a liquor shop. She was quick to pick up two bottles of the cheapest, strongest oak-matured mead she could find.

* * *

"_Fuck_," Lily squeaked out as she closed her flat's front door. Tears stung her eyes; there was a lump in her throat. In one loud, painful sob, she broke in two. Her knees buckled and she let her back slide against the wall. She curled into herself and nestled her head in her own lap. Her shoulders shook with more frantic sobs. She could not remember the last time she cried as hysterically as she was now.

The entire day, she had acted. She had pretended. She had forced herself to forget. She had chatted happily.

But now, she was alone. She was _lonely_. She was cold. She was hurt.

Paul Haver was engaged to be married.

Nothing else mattered.

Lily wanted nothing more than to disappear forever. To vanish. To never have existed.

She felt pathetic. A shiver went through her entire body; it hurt. Her face and knees were wet with tears. She could barely see anything. She felt like a mole as she reached blindly for her bag. She felt her way through opening her mead bottle, grateful for the fact that it was closed with a simple cap and not a cork.

She put the edge of the bottle to her lips and gulped the mead down hungrily. Tears still fell from her eyes and drops of alcohol rolled on her chin. Everything hurt. She wished it would just stop.

Soon enough, she was done with the first bottle and her insides felt jiggly. Her head was warm and dizzy. Her fingers fumbled with the cap of the second bottle for longer than they had with the first. She did not care how much liquid spilled on the front of her shirt; she did not care about anything but seeing the bottom of this bottle.


	3. Coffee

III. Coffee

_Knock, knock, knock._

_Knock, knock, knock._

Lily's eyelashes fluttered as she awoke. Three questions came to her mind at once:

Where did these loud thumps come from?

Why was she lying on her doormat?

Why was she wet?

_Knock, knock, knock._

The answers came more slowly than the questions:

Someone was knocking at the door and she was huddled against it.

She had fallen asleep while she was drinking last night.

She had not finished her second bottle when she had fallen asleep and its contents had spilled on her.

"Fuck my bloody life," she muttered, feeling like her head was about to implode.

Lily stumbled up and immediately fell down again.

"Fuck…" she moaned. How was she supposed to answer the door?

_Knock, knock, knock._

Gathering all her strength, Lily got up on her hands and knees, lifted her right hand to grip the door handle, and pushed herself up against the wall. At least, she would open the door standing up. If everything went well. She turned the door knob tentatively. When she saw her visitor, she was tempted to shut the door to his face (but she was not sure she could do that).

Paul Haver.

All handsome and clean-shaven and perfumed. With fancy ministry robes.

She bit down an additional 'Fuck' and settled on gaping.

"Okay," she heard him say. He chuckled shyly. "Um, may I come in? I could make you coffee."

"Yeah." She motioned him to come in, but it made her lose her balance and she flapped her arms around helplessly. He caught her before she hit the open door.

"Here, take my arm."

Through the searing thumping in her brain, Lily somehow managed to think that this was all very bad. When Paul helped her sit in her kitchen chair, she let out a squeal of pain. It had not been a very good idea to sleep curled up on the floor. Her entire body hurt.

"At least you didn't throw up."

Lily grunted in appreciation of his thought. She heard him Summon coffee, a filter, and mugs. Then, she heard the familiar sound of brewing coffee. Ah.

The gulps of coffee were like a breeze from Heaven. Her headache vanished almost entirely.

"Oh sweet Merlin _thank you_ for the Cleansing Potion," she said as she would have said 'thank you for that one million Galleon gift.'

Paul smiled knowingly. "I always carry a flask in my briefcase. It comes in useful." He continued while Lily finished the rest of her drink, "So, someone overindulged last night."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah. First time. And last. This hangover thing is the worst fucking feeling in the fucking universe."

He laughed in surprise. "What? You spent four years in Vienna and you've never gotten pissed?"

"I prefer substances that provide more pleasant mornings, thank you very much. What are you, like, a drinking expert or something?"

He let out a nervous chuckle in response. "So, um, I wanted to come and see you before I went to work. With all… yesterday morning."

He paused. She looked up and raised her eyebrows. "And…?"

"Well, you looked like you had things to say yesterday but Lena arrived and you said something about umbrellas."

"I don't have anything to say," Lily deadpanned.

"Oh come one, Lily. Don't be like that."

"What? No, _you_ don't be like that. All taking advantage of the fact that Albus never mentioned that you're fucking _engaged!_ Just don't.

"Oh, so I was supposed to pine for you for five bloody years? Grow up." When he saw that Lily had nothing to say, he continued his rant. "I lived. I finished school and got hired as an intern for the Wizengamot Court. I met the most wonderful young woman on the entire planet and I'm going to marry her."

There was a pause. The air was charged. Lily asked quietly, "What is she like?"

Paul's expression softened. "She's perfect. She's in law too, that's how we met. Her mother is Chief Wizengamot, did you know? And her father is an apothecary and a potion master, he wrote the last three editions of _"Advanced Potion-Making". _She's lovely, considerate, graceful, intelligent, and ambitious. I love her."

Lily's cheeks reddened slightly as she became aware of her own state of everything-Helena-Borage-was-not: her shirt still damp with mead, her face and hair probably a mess, her entire body stinking strongly of alcohol. Not mentioning her "Poor" Potion OWL grade and her dodgy blood status. She felt pathetic, but she managed to keep her voice even as she asked, "Does she love you more than the world?"

He smiled softly. "Yes."

Lily put her mug back on the kitchen table and got up. "Okay. Thank you for the potion and the coffee. I hope you and Helena have a lovely wedding with influential guests who make both your careers thrive. I hope you two have a perfect Wizengamot family with perfect children who grow up to be Head Boy and Head Girl and everything lovely in the world. Have a good day at work."

He wished her a good day and left. She tried to ignore how bitter she had sounded and how bitter she felt. Helena Borage was the epitome of perfection. In fact, her name probably appeared somewhere in the definition of the word: "See also: Helena Borage." It was ridiculous.

Paul had what he had always wanted. A career in Magical Law. A practically-guaranteed career in the Wizengamot. A beautiful wife who made him into some kind of cliché perfect Magical Law expert, and who loved him more than the world.

Lily should be happy for him. She should, but she could not (at least not now). She loved him. She had waited for him, even though she had distracted herself momentarily with Wes.

His fiancée was probably at the Ministry, wearing fitted robes and red lipstick. Lily was sitting at her kitchen table, covered in mead.

Lily could not help but think that Paul had made the right decision.

* * *

The more Lily thought about the events of the last twenty-four hours, the more she wanted to bang her head on the wall repetitively. Up until the point when she had fallen asleep, it had been painful, but erasable. It had not been embarrassing; she had been alone. It had hurt, but it could be easily forgotten.

Paul's morning visit however… filled her with a burning sense of humiliation. He had stood there, blue eyes and shy smile, while Lily had been wobbling around, covered in mead. She disgusted herself.

Had she completely ruined her chances of Paul falling in love with her ever again?

Lily decided then and there that she would never get drunk while she was sad, ever again. She had learned her lesson.

* * *

Some time in the afternoon, Lily received another visit. She opened the door to a pleasant surprise: her eldest brother was standing in front of her. James was as clean-shaven as Paul had been, smiling brightly in the afternoon sun. Lily jumped and flew her arms around him.

"Oh, J! You just have no idea how happy I am to see you," she exclaimed, then whispered, "no idea."

James laughed with contentment. "Likewise. Christmas was too long ago." They let go of their embrace. "I have Mondays off, so I figured I'd pay you a visit before our little family gathering."

Three years ago, James had taken a job with Quality Quidditch Supplies, where he worked as a salesman and a marketing consultant. The work he had done abroad had given him valuable experience.

"Come in! And… don't mind the mess."

Lily was thankful for the fact that she had at least cleaned up the spilled mead and vanished the bottles. They sat down on the small couch.

"Goodness, Liszt, this place is a shoebox!"

Lily giggled. "Almost."

"So, are you going to tell me what made that awful mess, or do I have to guess? Because it _looks_ as though you bought a new owl but it had rabies and it tried to destroy your entryway."

Lily curled up on her brother's side. "Do you promise not to tell anyone? It was really stupid."

"Stupid? You?" James teased in mock surprise. "I promise. What is it?"

"Paul Haver's engaged and his girlfriend is fucking perfect. Like, _perfect_ perfect. And I thought I should, like – ugh! I don't even know why I thought that, it was idiotic. Anyway. I got pissed. Right… right there in the entryway. It was bloody awful. I spilled half a bottle of mead down my shirt and I fell asleep against the door." Tears tickled the back of her throat. She tried to swallow them back. "And guess who was here in the morning? Mister Engaged himself. And he gave me a potion and made me coffee and told me about how perfect and wonderful his girlfriend is and I –" Lily's voice broke and she started crying. "I just sat there covered in mead!"

Lily turned slightly to bury her face in her brother's side and sobbed. He slid his arms around her back and held her until she quieted down.

"Liszt… do you mean you drank half a bottle of mead to yourself or…"

"One and a half," Lily squeaked out.

James's eyes were as big and round as Galleons. His voice wavered, "Okay." He gathered his composure and looked Lily in the eyes. "Liszt, three things. One, nobody's perfect. No one. Two, half a bottle of mead is plenty of alcohol for someone your size to get pissed with. Three, I love you and I'm sure things'll work out."

Lily sniffed and wiped the tears off her cheek. "You want me to get over him."

"I never said that. I said things would work out. You can love him all your life if you want to. You can try to get him back if that's the battle you want to fight. I don't care. All I want for you is to be happy."

"I think I can do that," she said with a weak smile. "Someday. In a hundred years or so."

"There's the Potter-Weasley humour I know and love! Come here."

They hugged once more, and exchanged news before heading to the cottage.

**A/N: Again, a big thank you to everyone who is reading this; especially theatre4life, who has left a wonderful review.**


	4. Two Dinners

IV. Two Dinners

**A/N: This chapter is kind of transitional (weird).**

**There will be talk on Paul's history, so in case you've forgotten: when Paul was 10 years old, his mother died and his father developed a very severe depression, which later required hospitalisation. This is all that has been said in the fic series so far, although Lily knows the full story.**

When she first saw Albus in the dining room, Lily shot him a dark look. She was quite mad at him for hiding Paul's engagement from her. Noticing that her parents were still in the kitchen, she whispered harshly:

"Coward. Couldn't you tell me he was engaged?"

Albus squirmed in his seat. "I'm sorry, Lu. I just… you're right," he mumbled shamefully, blushing as only a Weasley could. "I'm a bloody coward. I didn't want to hurt you…"

Her brother looked like a five-year-old who had been caught breaking a vase. His green eyes sparkled and made Lily melt. How could she ever really, truly be mad at him?

She sighed, giving up. "Fuck, Sev. Don't keep information from me ever again. Or I'll change your girlfriend's hair into snakes or something."

His eyes widened with genuine fear. "You wouldn't."

"Oh, I might," she teased with a smile.

It was a small dinner, with just Lily, Albus, James, Ginny, and Harry. Unfortunately, it seemed a bigger gathering was in the works.

"Your grandmother wants to throw you a graduation party, dear," Ginny sighed halfway through the meal. "You know how much she likes to brag about you guys. It'll probably be at the end of June, after Molly and Lucy have returned from Hogwarts."

Lily had mixed feelings: she was excited to see everyone, but embarrassed to be thrown a party.

"Couldn't we make it a 'Congratulations Molly and Lucy on being the first two Prefect sisters in the family' party instead?" She knew the second she had said it that it was a ridiculous idea.

"What? The two girls have had to endure about a million of Grandma's Prefect parties in the last two years. Give them a break. Plus, if Molly becomes Head Girl…" James laughed. "Come on, Lily, it'll be fun!"

She blushed. "Okay. Right."

Lily laughed a lot during the rest of the dinner; it was good to be home. She loved the variety of humour in her family: Albus's skilful sarcasm came from their father, while James's Weasley sense of humour came from their mother. Lily stood somewhere along the middle. Family conversations always cracked her up.

Lily lingered home when dinner ended. Somehow, she found herself alone with her mother in the living room; James and Albus had returned to their respective flats, while Harry, who was working the early morning shift, had gone to bed. Ginny was sitting on the couch, her portable typewriter on her lap, chewing her pen. She seemed to be editing an article. Lily sat on the floor and went through her parents' record collection.

"Mum?"

"Hm?"

"D'you think I could borrow some of these? I could really use new music right now."

"Sure, love. Not the last of the Weird Sisters, though. Which ones do you want?" Ginny's love for the Weird Sisters was as eternal as her mother's love for Celestina Warbeck.

"Well, I was wondering… which ones did you listen to in 2001? When… when Dad left?" Lily asked shyly. She wanted heartbreak music. Music to wallow to.

Ginny looked up in concern. "What is it, Lily? What happened? Is it Wes?"

Lily shook her head. "No, Mum. We really are just friends. I was just biding my time for Paul. And… well. He's engaged. With a perfect woman who's everything I'll never be."

Her mother gave her a small, sympathetic smile. "The B-side of the Weird Sisters' third album got me through the hardest days. And let me see…" She got up and sat beside her daughter. "Ah, this one here helped me fall asleep. And this! When you need the motivation to do something, listen to it." Ginny smiled. "Owl me if there's anything, okay? Or Floo me. Or just Apparate here, I don't care. I love you, hun."

"I love you too, Mum. Thanks for these. And do you think… I could sleep here tonight?"

"You're always welcome to sleep here, Lily! The bed's made."

They hugged. Lily's eyes watered. "Good night, Mum."

* * *

Lily returned to her flat in the morning, well rested and with a couple of records in hand. She played the B-side of the Weird Sisters record first, and started crying straight away. Hours of coffee binge drinking later, she Flooed to Sarah's flat.

* * *

"Lily!"

Sarah jumped on Lily the minute she stepped in her living room, hugging her tightly.

"How are you? You smell like coffee," Sarah sounded puzzled.

Lily pulled out a dazzling smile. "I'm good. Coffee's good." She giggled, hoping it would do the trick. Apparently, it did not. Sarah looked at her with concern, but before she could say anything else, Allie stepped in the room.

"Lily! I've been dying to meet you."

Allie's demeanour was calm and collected. She looked more like a café waitress more than like a Quidditch player, in Lily's opinion. Her blonde hair and pretty round face reminded Lily of her cousin Victoire.

"Same here! Hi, Allie. You know, it's crazy, you look just like my cousin, Victoire Weasley."

Sarah smiled rather predatorily. "That's one of the part-Veelas, yeah?"

Allie simply blushed and put on a coy smile.

The three young women made their way to the kitchen, where dinner was already on the table. The meal was simple: shepherd's pie with buns on the side.

"Oh, am I late?"

"Not at all, love. We were just putting the plates on the table when you arrived," Sarah said while she sat down.

Allie treated Lily to the thrilling tale of how she and Sarah had gotten together. They then talked about Quidditch for the remainder of the meal. While Sarah took away the plates, Allie mentioned:

"Lily, Sarah told me you used to play replacement seeker in Vienna? Well, I heard the Cannons are looking for a new one! I mean, I know it's _Chudley_, and they never win, but…"

"Are you kidding? It's brilliant! I really just want to play. That's exactly the kind of thing I need right now." Lily beamed. She missed Quidditch already.

"Sarah thought so."

"Exactly!" Sarah exclaimed as she came back into the dining room, three mugs hovering behind her. "Speaking of which, here's tea. I was going to make coffee, but I figured Lily had had enough of that already." She sent Lily a teasing smile. "Oh, and there's some biscuits Allie made. They're absolutely heavenly."

Allie blushed. "Muggle recipes can't be beat when it comes to biscuits."

"So," Sarah asked Lily, "what's the big coffee story?"

"Paul fucking Haver, who else? I've just been wallowing a bit, I'm fine." She took a sip from her mug. "And while we're on this subject, I've been meaning to ask you something, Sarah. You said he's become an arse. Why?"

Sarah choked on her tea. "Why do you want to know?"

"So she can get over him easier, you twat," Allie answered for Lily, rolling her eyes.

"Right. Oh. Okay. It's kind of a complicated story, really." She paused. Lily motioned her to continue. "Well… you know his father is my mum's cousin? Anyway. Not long after you left Hogwarts, there was a family party to commemorate the 10th anniversary of Paul's mum's death. It was the fiasco of the century. Or so Mum says. Whatever." She sighed. "The party was a bad idea to start with, but… The thing is, Paul and his father showed up bloody pissed… And you know how his dad is, completely off his rocker…"

"He's ill!" Lily corrected heatedly.

"Okay. Yes. Sorry. You're right. Now, nobody knows what really happened… But around the same time, Paul moved in with Helena Borage. I don't think he ever returned to visit his father. He as good as left him alone to rot in Scotland. Which in itself is already a dick move, if you ask me. And since then, Paul always shows up to family reunions unaccompanied and drunk. Which is definitely getting on my nerves. The drunk part, I mean. He's become the kind of guy you do _not_ want to be in love with. _Trust me_. He's more trouble than he's worth."

"Fuck," Lily whispered. What could she say? She cleared her throat and said, "Okay. How… Is his dad okay?"

Allie and Sarah exchanged apologetic looks. Sarah answered, "He's still alive, at least all evidence points to that. My mum's the closest he's got to family besides Paul, and… Well, he won't answer to her, but he… he seems to be alive. Mum doesn't want to try and break in, because he was an Auror before his wife died, so of course she's scared he's in a phase of paranoia." She shivered. "No one wants to be attacked by Mr. Haver, you know that, right? Mum's tried to have him put at St-Mungo's, but he won't hear of it. Plus, it's impossible to find a Healer willing to go get him by force. Protocol."

"What? That's bullshit!" Lily was indignant.

Allie sighed. "_We_ know that, of course, but St-Mungo's only started treating mental illnesses after the war. There's still prejudice."

Lily was too infuriated to say anything. She knew how much Paul loved his father, how much he wanted to help him feel better. She knew all the reasons why Paul wanted to have a career in Magical Law, and his father was one of them. How could he forget that? How could he forget his own father?

"Paul," she sighed. "Fuck him."

She wondered if it would be rude to ask for some of Allie's chocolate biscuits to take to her flat.


	5. Hippogriff Café

V. Hippogriff Café

Lily was not proud of having spent the rest of the week moping alone in her flat, but it had been much needed. She had listened to her mother's records, drunken coffee, and eaten biscuits. She had sung along and sobbed between verses.

It had all been very liberating, but her flat had suffered. It took Lily ten minutes to clean the place magically; the mess had seriously rivalled with the one she had made in Herbology class during her third year. She figured it was imperative to clean herself up as a way to mentally prepare for her tryouts with the Chudley Cannons.

Lily knew that she had no reason to feel nervous about the tryouts: she had gained experience in Austria, and she was, according to many, the best Seeker to have come to Hogwarts since her uncle and her father. Additionally, she was trying out for the Cannons, the worst team in Europe. She had no reason to be nervous. She failed to see what it was that had put the butterflies in her stomach in the first place. Perhaps they were only there because of all the time she had spent cut from the world lately.

Thankfully, the butterflies flew away as soon as she did, leaving her to perform as well as she always had. The coach said he would owl her with the results, but she knew she had the spot. After all, she had been the only applicant. She was also a part of the only family in Britain who was a fan of the team. That had to count for something!

Lily figured she should celebrate the end of her week in isolation by going out somewhere. Just as a means to have fun and change the air. She had noticed a hip new café on Diagon Alley last Sunday and, once she had showered, she decided to give it a try.

Hippogriff Café was a small place, with brick walls covered in hippogriff paraphernalia. The furniture was claw-footed, carved to look like hippogriff legs. It was clear from the colour palette and the choice of music that the café appealed to a young clientele. The place reminded Lily of her favourite hiding spots in Vienna. Her Muggle friends, Joseph and Greta, loved cafés like this (minus the hippogriff theme, of course).

She ordered something fancy – butterbeer latte sounded like a delicious treat – and sat down, novel in hand. She read and sipped her drink, soaking up the atmosphere of the place, new yet so familiar.

"Excuse me, miss. May I have the pleasure of making your acquaintance? My name is Thomas Macmillan."

Lily looked up from her book and jumped as she saw the outstretched hand that was right in front of her nose. Looking further up, she realised the hand belonged to a tall young man, with light brown hair and an endearing bear-like appearance. Lily smiled, biting back a giggle. She had never been flirted with in such an official manner.

"Of course! I'm Lily Potter." She shook his hand. "Please, sit down. You look familiar. Did you go to Hogwarts?"

"I did, I finished five years ago. I was in Hufflepuff. You played Quidditch, I think?"

"Yeah! Gryffindor Seeker. I'm a year younger than you." She smiled. He had a pompous way of presenting himself that might have looked obnoxious on anyone else; on him, she thought it was the most adorable, giggle-worthy thing she had ever seen.

"Ah! That's why we could never win! I didn't play myself, but I always thought we had a most exceptional team," he said somewhat wistfully, yet with his usual pompousness.

"Ha!" Lily giggled. "You guys had excellent chasers, but your seeker just couldn't compare!"

Thomas laughed. "Pretentious, much?"

Lily blushed and laughed along. "I don't think either of us is in a position to judge pretention, Thomas."

"I suppose you're right. So, you still play, then? I mean, you look like you still play."

Lily giggled, unsure whether it was a compliment or not. Thomas's tone had been flattering, though. He clearly meant it as a compliment. "Is it that obvious? I tried out for the Cannons this morning. I've played four years in Vienna. I'm just a replacement, though. It's not my day job or anything.

"Oh? What is it you do? Or rather, um, what is it you did in Vienna?"

"I'm a… violinist-slash-Transfiguration-expert. I've just finished my studies in musical Transfiguration. I got hired by the Wireless." She smiled at her own achievements. It felt good to say them out loud. "What about you?"

"I'm studying Magical Creature Pedagogy. There's no school for it, specifically, so my studies are a bit all-over-the-place." He paused, as though asking for permission to bore Lily with his upcoming explanations. She smiled and motioned for him to continue. "I did a two-year degree in Care of the Magical Creatures, then I spent a year in Romania as a dragon trainer, and I spent the year after that assisting my uncle, Rolf Scamander, in his research… and now I work part-time as an owl trainer for Eeyloops, while working on my thesis with some help from my uncle, my aunt, and Professor Johnson." He smiled apologetically. "It's a rather complicated affair, I'm afraid."

Lily was surprised: Thomas did not strike her as a hands-on, outdoorsy type. At first glance, he looked like a Ministry worker. Now that she looked closer, though, Lily realised his hands were calloused, that his skin was tanned and freckled, and that a messy scar was peering from under his collar.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Lily said when she realised she had been lost in thought – and staring. "I was just thinking… you look more the Ministry type. Most people I know who work with magical creatures are less…" She searched for the right word, in vain.

Thomas burst in laughter. "Clean?" He offered.

Lily joined in, blushing.

Thomas explained, "Well, my dad's in the Ministry. Has been ever since the war. But my mum's a Scamander; she owns the Magical Menagerie. With my father being a neat freak, and my mother owning the messiest shop on Diagon Alley, cleaning up and keeping up appearances became second nature to me."

"So you worked in Romania? I wonder if you've met my uncle, he works there…"

"Charlie Weasley?" He guessed. Lily nodded, astonished. "You look just like him! Well, not so much the face, and not the eyes… But your hair is the same shade of red, and you have a similar seeker build… Mannerisms, too… He didn't train me, although I worked with him the last six months. He's an excellent team leader."

"That doesn't surprise me." Lily smiled. "I know Luna, too." She did not mention she was named after her; it seemed a weird thing to say to someone about his aunt. "My mum and her are close. I haven't seen Lorcan and Lysander in _so_ long, though. How are they?"

"They're finishing their sixth year soon. Lysander's a Prefect; he received plenty of OWLs, of course. Lorcan received one more, I think. Although… he's in a really sulky mood lately. We used to correspond, but Lysander always forgets to write back, and Lorcan stopped answering my letters a couple of months ago."

"Oh. I hope he's all right."

Thomas fiddled with his cup, lost in thought. "Yeah. So do I. They're my only cousins, so…" He straightened. "We'll find out soon, when they come back from Hogwarts."

"Of course."

"I'm sorry, I never apologised for interrupting you when you were reading. What is your book about?"

Lily jumped slightly at the change of conversation. "Oh! It's quite nice, really. It's Muggle, but I find it relates very well to wizard stories about Death, like _"The Tale of the Three Brothers"_. It's also set during the war that ended in 1945. It's, um, _"The Book Thief"_ by Markus Zusak."

"It's about Death?"

"Yes, well Death is the narrator. But it's also about words, and life. It's very nicely written."

"Really? I don't read much Muggle literature; I never know where to start. I took Muggle Studies in school, but they only covered literature during the NEWT years, and I didn't do those. How did you hear about that book?" Thomas inquired earnestly.

"Um, I played in a Muggle orchestra in Vienna, and my friends were really fond of the book. They gave me a copy when I moved away. If it wasn't for them, though, I don't think I would know about it. It's a shame, really, that no magical bookshop carries Muggle books."

"It is! There are plenty of interesting things about Muggle cultures. It always astonishes me to see all the things Muggles can do without magic. I went to the cinema once – it blew my mind! Have you ever been there?"

"Yeah. I did a few times when I was little. I had a Muggle friend."

"You're not friends anymore?"

She took a deep breath. "She, uh, died."

Thomas's face fell. "Oh. I'm sorry."

"Yeah. I mean – how do you answer these things? Anyway, it's been years. I'm still sad about it sometimes, because she was so young, but… yeah. It's been a while. It's okay." And Lily was surprised to realise that it _was,_ indeed, okay.

"What movies did you go see?" He asked sympathetically.

"Superhero stuff. Superheroes are like… good-looking Muggles who can make weird magic without wands. One can transfigure himself into a green giant." She laughed. "It's kind of ridiculous."

Thomas laughed. "Why would anyone want to transfigure into a green giant?"

"I know, right?"

They laughed heartily for a good two minutes. When they quieted down, Thomas was back to his usual pompous self.

"I must say, Lily, that I very much like your company. It would be an honour for me to see you again. Would you allow me the pleasure of picking you up for dinner next Saturday?"

Lily beamed. Thomas had the ability to make her feel like a princess. It was silly, and it made her bite her lips to keep from giggling, but it made her feel so good.

"My dear Thomas, how could I refuse?"

**A/N: Thomas Macmillan: the son of Ernie Macmillan and OC Scamander. The latter being the only sister of Rolf Scamander (Luna's husband) and the granddaughter of Newt Scamander, a Hufflepuff who wrote **_**"Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them."**_


	6. Hog's Head

VI. Hog's Head

**A/N: I apologise for the belatedness of this chapter! I've had the busiest week – I received acceptance/rejection letters, found a roommate for next year, started looking for flats, started my new job… and on top of everything, it was my birthday! Chapter 7 might come at the end of this week, as I have two YA novels to finish for Thursday (that's part of my job's 'homework'). **

**I feel like I've been living off of coffee and chocolate cake – kind of like Lily, really.**

_*****Trigger warnings for this chapter!*****_** Depression, talked about in a pessimistic/fatalistic manner.**

Lily spent her last Monday before the start of her job going through the second violin part of Tchaikovsky's Fourth Symphony. It was her favourite violin part. She knew Tchaikovsky had been distressed when he had written it, and the part felt like a riddle – even more than other second violin parts. She saw herself in the score… it was what she loved most about music. Its universality.

Lily was a passionate person; she was the kind of person who could do things for hours on end without realising how much time had passed. And so, she was surprised by the intrusion in her flat of a small monkey Patronus, but even more surprised by the sunset outside. Had she really been playing all day? Her stomach grumbled. Yes, she had.

"Am coming by Floo. Be at least mildly presentable," the small monkey said in Sarah's voice.

Deeming her overall state acceptable, Lily merely stayed in the living room. Sarah stepped out of the fireplace less than a minute later, a bit wide-eyed.

"Hey, Sarah… what's wrong?"

"Wrong? Nothing's wrong," she assured jumpily.

Lily eyes her friend suspiciously. "Really? Because you usually give me a bit more notice…"

"I've produced a Patronus, haven't I?"

"Okay, you have a point. So," Lily continued cheerfully, "what brings you here?"

"I… can we talk? Have you eaten yet? Um… the Hog's Head, mind if we go there?"

It took Lily a few seconds to make sense out of Sarah's rambling. "Okay… Why the Hog's Head?"

Sarah wringed her hands. "I just want somewhere we can talk, okay?"

"Sure. Take my arm." Lily thought it better if she led a Side-Along Apparition, with her friend's nervous state.

"Right! _Now_ will you tell me what's up?"

They were sitting in a booth at the Hog's Head, waiting for their food to arrive, sipping Butterbeer.

"Yeah. Well like I said, it's not… tragic or anything. I could produce a Patronus. I'm just –"

"You're nervous, right? Just dive right in, Sarah."

"Okay. Allie wants to move in with me," she said quickly.

Lily was apprehensive. "That's… not good?"

"No! No, it's not! I've never lived with someone before! What if I mess it up? What if she gets on my nerves? What if she realises what an overexcited nutter I really am? What if we fight over the dishes? What if I want to sleep alone in my bed after a really long day? What if…?"

"Sarah, you need to calm down. Stop beating yourself up for things that haven't happened yet. And you're not an overexcited nutter. Sure, you're pretty exuberant, but I'm sure that's exactly why Allie loves you."

Sarah was searching for words to contradict her friend, in vain. She sighed. "I'm just scared. I love Allie, but… I… I've always wanted to work with dragons after I played Quidditch…"

"Have you told Allie?"

"Yeah, but… Oh, I don't know."

"Take it one day at a time, love. I'm sure you'll work it out somehow. You always do."

"Yeah. I suppose. I just…" She sighed again. "I think I love her too much. What was it like when you lived with Wes?"

"Um…" Lily chuckled nervously. "Laid-back, I guess. We weren't… It was just company."

"Right… Let's just talk about other things, okay? I think I need to relax. How did the Cannons tryouts go?"

Lily's eyes widened, and she squirmed as she realised that she _had_ received news from the Cannons coach – she had just forgotten to open the letter. Fighting the urge to smash her head on the table, she mumbled, "It went well! I… Um, I think an owl brought the results today… At least an orange letter flew in front me… But I was playing Tchaikovsky and you know how I get sometimes…" Lily's cheeks and ears were bright red.

Sarah cackled loudly for a bit longer than was necessary. A few tears of laughter fell from her eyes and she wiped them off cheerfully.

"Oh, Lily! That's _so you!"_

Lily was still squirming, fighting her own urge to laugh. "Yeah, okay, I get it…"

Their food arrived. They ate and talked about Quidditch. Soon, they had finished their meal and ordered a cup of tea. A tall, bespectacled man in Quidditch robes walked over to their table.

"Sarah! It's been so long since I've last played against you! How are you doing? I heard something about Allie…"

They jumped in a conversation, while Lily let her eyes wander across the pub. Her heart stopped when she noticed Paul Haver in a booth on the other side of the room, with a bottle of mead. Anger rose in her chest.

"I'll be right there," she muttered before striding to his table and sliding on the seat beside him. She raised both her hands, put them on his shoulders and slammed his back roughly against the wall.

"Fuck you, Paul Haver!"

She could tell he was not yet inebriated, but instead completely flabbergasted. "Lily?"

"Getting drunk alone in a dingy pub? What is _wrong_ with you? Wasn't it stupid enough just showing up pissed to your family reunions? Abandoning your father? You _idiotic arse!"_

"What…? How…?"

"Sarah told me, you dim-witted flobberworm!"

"I…"

"And your _Helena_, you love her _so much_, don't you? Is that _why_ you're hiding here getting pissed? Because she's _'the most wonderful young woman on the entire planet'?"_

Paul's face was expressionless. "Are you done?"

Lily was taken aback by his calm reaction. "I just screamed at you!"

"Like music to my ears. The sound, of course. I must argue with the words, though."

Lily gaped. He continued:

"You're the one who knows most, Lily. Did you just forget everything I told you in my last year? I mean, you heard what Sarah said and you just jumped to conclusions… Do you have any idea what it was like on my end?"

Lily knew what it had been before. She knew the story of the little boy Paul had been: the little boy who had been raised by his mother, because his father was engrossed in his work. Who had had to mourn his mother and to hold his father up at the same time. Who had lived with his single, senile grandmother while his father was taken away. Who had entered Hogwarts, and written to his father every day. Who had built his adolescent self remarkably well, especially considering he had built it from the small scraps of the role models he had. Who had rejoiced, over and over and over, as he had learned that his father felt better. That was the boy Lily knew. She could not see this boy in the young man who sat before her. It was unacceptable.

"That's not an excuse for spending the night alone with a bottle of mead, _here_ of all places!"

"_You're_ here. And might I remind you of _your_ excuse for spending the night alone with _two_ bottles of mead?"

Lily's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. How dare he? "You know nothing of…"

"So do you," he cut sharply. Lily remained silent. He took a swig from his bottle and sighed. "You know how I was at school. I was so happy to see my father doing well again. 'Depression can be cured!' I said like a bloody fool. 'St-Mungo's should treat more wizards, and better. That's why I want to work in Magical Law,' I said. Remember? It was stupid. _I_ was stupid. My father had problems before Mum died, and they never really went away. Dad'll never be happy."

"Right, so instead you plan to marry a woman who doesn't know about any of this, and who can get you a nice, influential, well-payed job?"

"That is really out of line. I love her and she makes me –" His voice faltered.

Lily was malicious; she felt destructive. "She makes you happy? Yeah, very happy, I can see that. Well, Paul Haver, fuck you very much."

And with that, she returned to her table, where Sarah was toying with her empty cup of tea.

"Was that Paul?"

Lily sat down and touched her cup of tea, still half full. It had gotten cold. She pursed her lips and nodded.

"I take it your visit wasn't very friendly."

"You're right. Let's go home; the tea's cheaper, warmer, and better."

* * *

_Dear Lily,_

_I was happy to receive your letter. Things here are busy, but a bit lonely. Fortunately, Ben should arrive in a few weeks, and I'll be visiting for your graduation party (your grandmother just sent out the invitations). May in Romania is as lovely as ever, and two dragons have hatched this week._

_You met Thomas, then? He's a nice guy. Do tell me how your date goes. I'm curious to hear what you'll think of him._

_Good luck on getting the job with the Cannons! Be careful not to overwork yourself, okay? And also be careful when you tell your uncle Ron, if you get the job. He'll be over the moon. And probably mad at you for not being the regular Seeker and making the team win once in a while. Make sure there's not too much Firewhiskey nearby. (Just kidding.) (Maybe not.)_

_Speaking of Quidditch, it was the Reserve's Tournament Final this weekend, and my team won! We've been celebrating quite a lot._

_I love you lots, Lily. Take good care of yourself._

_Charlie_

* * *

_Lily Potter,_

_We are honoured to offer you a position as a replacement Seeker. I would also like to personally warn you of the possibility of our current Seeker being 'sick' rather often._

_We will discuss schedules on Tuesday night this week, 7:00 PM._

_Cordially,_

_Hubert Humberry_

_Chudley Cannons Coach_


	7. Swing

VII. Swing

On Saturday morning, an eagle-owl brought Lily a note written on nice stationery, with neat handwriting.

_Dear Lily,_

_If it is fine with you, we will be going to a Muggle restaurant tonight. I think you will like it._

_I will be at your door at 6._

_Thomas_

Lily put on her best Muggle-style dress: a navy, knee-length one with a sweetheart neckline. She made sure her hair looked presentable and she put a dab of makeup on. She smiled at her reflection in the mirror, slipped her wand in her clutch, slid her feet in kitten heels and glanced at the clock. 5:59. There was a regal knock on her front door. Lily smiled, let out a short giggle at Thomas's adorable manners, and set out to open the door.

Thomas stood on the doorstep, a bouquet of flowers in hand. He wore an impeccable Muggle suit. As he saw her, he bowed and said:

"Dearest Lily, you look as lovely as ever."

Lily tugged the skirt of her dress upwards and bent her knees slightly in a clumsy imitation of the way Muggle women bowed. She smiled tentatively and felt the tip of her ears warm up.

"As do you, Thomas."

He offered her his arm. "Shall we?"

She took it, anticipating a Side-Along Apparition. However, Thomas's feet remained firmly on the ground.

"We'll use Muggle transportation, tonight."

The pair walked out of the magical area, out of the Leaky Cauldron, and towards more heavily frequented Muggle streets. The setting sun gave their skin and hair an eerie glow, and elongated the shadows of everything around them. Lily's nostrils were filled with the lofty scent of the flowers. For the first time in her life, she truly felt like an adult.

After having walked the streets of London for about twenty minutes, Thomas and Lily stopped in front of what looked like a restaurant and a theatre at the same time; it reminded Lily of a quaint spot in Vienna in which she had once performed with the Muggle orchestra, playing early-XXth-century modern symphonic music. She could not say which decade the place reminded her of most, for she was not very well versed in Muggle history – the 20s perhaps, or the 30s, or the 40s? From the front steps of the building, she could hear the faint sounds of brass and percussion…. The faint sounds of melodic, fast-paced music. Her face lit up.

"Big Band?" she asked in hopefulness.

Thomas smiled quizzically in response.

Inside the building were wonders so unlike those of the magical world that Lily's heart swelled. There was a large stage on one end of the big room, where a big bang stood and played – saxophones, trumpets, trombones, drums, guitars… there was a flute, too… and a clarinet… Scattered around the stage, there were round tables, some big, some small, all decorated with a white cloth, shining cutlery, and tall candles. The room was richly ornate and a dozen big chandeliers hung from the ceiling.

Muggles in the assistance wore fancy attires. Some danced in a way Lily had never seen, but which she guessed to be old-fashioned Muggle dancing. Others sat at a table and chatted among themselves, occasionally clapping at the brilliance of a musician's solo or at the end of the band's performance. Some had meals and goblets of wine in front of them, from which they took bites and sips between their own witty remarks.

Lily was over the moon. She felt as though Thomas had taken her back in time, in a special part of the Muggle world where, for a night, everything was lovely. How had he found such a perfect place for a date? She unfolded her arm out of his, took his hand, and squeezed it. Turning her head towards his, she said in his ear, "This is perfect."

Thomas smiled shyly and blushed in the most unassumingly endearing manner. "I know you prefer older Muggle music, but I thought you'd still like this."

"I do! This is… just…" she looked around, amazed, "perfect." She looked in Thomas's eyes, feeling the urge to cry and laugh at the same time. Instead, she smiled. "Where shall we sit?"

He straightened and went back to his usual pompous self. "I believe this table here is reserved in our name."

He pulled out a chair for Lily and held it while she sat down. She had never been on such an official-feeling date. In fact, now that she came to think of it, she had never actually been on a date. Paul and her had gone to Hogsmeade together on a few occasions, but these occasions could not really be called _dates_. As with Wes… well, it had been friendship, and making love, and discussing Mahler over coffee, but it had not been anything that required _dating_. Now that Lily was on a real date, she felt like a princess. She did! It was silly, but she did.

'Is this how Paul makes Helena feel?' She could not help but think. 'Who is he when he's with her? He's not the foolish drunkard I know, or she wouldn't stay. So who does he pretend to be?' Lily had been thinking about Paul a lot in the past week, since their chance encounter at the Hog's Head. Not in a romantic way, no: Paul was not whom she had fallen in love with anymore. But she was intrigued by him and what he had become, and why he had become that person. And, although she had only met his father once, many years ago, she had heard so much about him through Paul's lips that she had grown strangely attached to the man. To hear how tormented he was, and that Paul had given up on him, distressed her.

Lily was naïve and ignorant; she wished to understand the situation fully, but it slipped through her fingers every time she tried. What was it that had caused Paul's father to refuse outside help? With all the anger she felt about the situation, with everything she did not know, how could she understand? She knew she did not know enough about _everything_ and it made her even angrier.

"Is something wrong?" Thomas looked at Lily in concern.

Lily shook her head and smiled. "It's nothing." A blatant lie. Was she becoming like Paul, pretending to be someone she was not? She amended her answer: "I mean, I was just thinking about a friend of mine. He and his dad are going through a tough time. But let's talk about something else… this place is too lovely for such thoughts."

Thomas smiled softly. "As you wish. Um…" He thought of something to say. "I trained a snowy owl today! She was beautiful, and very smart, too. She reminded me of Hedwig, Harry Potter's famous owl."

Lily let out a short, loud, incontrollable cackle. Quickly, she put her hand on her mouth – almost in her mouth, actually – to stop the sound. A few Muggles glared at her. She was hysterical. Thomas's complete ignorance of her parents' identity was hilarious. When she finally calmed down, she managed to squeak out: "So you really don't know?" She almost added, 'How thick can you be?' Thomas guessed that Lily was Charlie Weasley's niece, but not Harry Potter's daughter? He knew about Hedwig, but not about her moderately-mediatised family? There was something strangely charming about his ignorance.

"Um… Well, I know she died, if that's what you mean. But it's not… it's obviously not what you mean." He sighed, searching her wide expectant grin. "Uh… I know you're a Weasley, but you're not a Potter…"

Lily laughed heartily. "And why not, pray tell?"

"You are? Oh. Dear. Okay. Oh. Yeah." He stuttered a bit. "I just… just thought it'd be… um… more… I don't know. Obvious?"

Lily was positively jubilant. "What, with a scar on my forehead or something? All brawny and brave looking? Well, I know I look more like the weird offspring of, maybe, _yet another _Weasley and a wacky artist à la Sybil Trelawney, but…"

"No, you don't look weird. You look… lovely." He cleared his throat in unease. "Beautiful. Radiant. I…" He squirmed. "This is really embarrassing."

"No! It's cute!" She almost added, 'It makes me want to lean over and kiss you this very instant,' but she caught herself in time. They had not yet kissed, and she had a feeling that Thomas was not the type to appreciate such public displays of affection.

Thomas tugged lightly on the tablecloth, looking down. "Okay. Anyway… the snowy owl… she was lovely."

Pitying Thomas's embarrassment, Lily steered the conversation in a friendlier direction. "Is teaching owls similar to teaching magical creatures? It must be tedious for you, working with owls when you specialise in magical animals."

Thomas slowly gathered his composure, eventually returning to his usual mannerism. "Owls sold to wizards are actually kind of magic. It's a bit like magical trees; they look like non-magical trees, but Bowtruckles live in them and we can use them to make wands. So, the owls I train are semi-magical, one could say. Anyway, they're very clever, so the pedagogy of it is fascinating."

"Oh? There's something I didn't know. And I took NEWTs in Care of the Magical Creatures! I wish Professor Johnson had taught us that sort of thing."

"Well, I don't blame him. It's a really boring subject. Of course the pedagogy is interesting, but as for the rest… owls aren't a hot topic in the field."

* * *

_Wes,_

_It's going very well here in London. I'm doing well too, actually. It was my first day at work today, which was very exciting. I also got the replacement seeker spot on the worst Quidditch team in Europe (yes, the Chudley Cannons)._

_Oh, and Paul? I saw him a couple of times and I don't know what's up with him. As you know, I had wished, if not for love, then for friendship, as I am once again in need of new friends. But he's changed, and drunk half the time, and I don't think I want to be friends with him anymore. Fortunately, Sarah's been lovely. And she's got a girlfriend, who is nice as well._

_The first week here was lonely but it's not as bad now._

_Oh and I've sort of started dating a pompous owl trainer. You wouldn't like him. I do, though. I like him a lot. But I don't know if I could ever love him. He didn't even kiss me at the end of our first date. Can you believe it? It was so weird. I thought maybe he was shy and I should initiate the gesture – you know I'm always up for that. But for some reason, I didn't want to kiss him. I really didn't. I wonder what that means. _

_How is Berlin treating you? Better than London has been treating me, I hope. Do tell me; I miss you so._

_Take care, love._

_Lily_


	8. Chocolate Biscuits

VIII. Chocolate Biscuits

**A/N: I uploaded cover art for this story and A Broom and a Violin! I made them both on polyvore. Here's the link for this one: /quest-ce_que_ça_veut_dire/set?id=51241980**

**From now on, I'm likely to update this story about once a week.**

Lily's enthusiasm for her job died quickly. She had been excited to take over the WWN's music program, which had in the past featured Tchaikovsky, Handel, Brahms, Shostakovich, Mozart, Wagner… However, after a few days of work, it was made clear to her that the classical music had to go. She would orchestrate pop music – not even by good artists like the Weird Sisters or the Growling Goblins – like Celestina Warbeck and her frivolous imitators. From now on, no classical music would be heard on the WWN.

Lily's disappointment towards her day job drained her of all her energy… an energy that was much needed during Cannons games and training. For a week and a half, Lily found herself caught in a whirlwind of working her crappy job, flying for the Cannons, and finding time to sleep. She had not seen anyone besides her teammates and colleagues. Her loneliness and her exhaustion caught up with her on the night of her second Thursday of work. She dropped on her sofa, summoned some chocolate biscuits, closed her eyes, and let the dough melt on her tongue, trying not to think of how much she hated her life at the moment.

She was frustrated to hear a knock on the door. Tonight was her first night off; could she not be left alone? Sighing, she dragged herself up and to the door. The person on the other side of it was not one of those she had expected to see.

Paul Haver stood in plain Muggle clothing, seeming eager, earnest, and slightly hesitating. "May I come in? Please?"

Lily gaped. Her brain was sluggish. She answered very slowly. "No…"

"Please, Lily. I really need a friend right now. You're my only friend," he said with a pleading note.

Lily's brain caught up. His only friend? "Wait until I tell Sev that," she deadpanned.

He bit his lip. "I mean, you're my only real friend. You're the only one who knows everything. Please."

"We're not friends, Paul. We didn't even hear of each other for five years and then I pretended I wanted to sell your fiancée umbrellas and you saved my mead-covered arse and I screamed at you in a sketchy pub." If that was what Paul called friends, then she felt sorry for him. How lonely could a person be? He looked desperate and his eyes shone as he opened his mouth to protest. She pitied him and let him in. "Want coffee?"

He stepped in. "Coffee? Now? It's past six…"

"Whatever. I'll make some for me, or else I'll fall asleep on you." She put tap water in a mug, waved her wand, and drank up.

Paul sat on the couch. He looked up at her.

"What is it you came here for, anyway?" She asked as she sat down a few feet from him. The sooner she could get rid of him, the sooner she could get back to her chocolate biscuits, the sooner she could go to bed.

"To talk." She impatiently motioned for him to continue, and he did. "I left Lena, and I don't want to get pissed…"

"Why the fuck not? It isn't something you usually have a problem with doing, yeah?" She took a sip of coffee, internally berating her exhausted self for her unnecessary rudeness.

"Well, yeah. I want to stop that, actually." Lily looked at him quizzically. _Why?_ He answered her silent question. "Because it's stupid, alright? I shouldn't have started drinking."

Lily sighed. She wanted to go to sleep, but her desire to hear the whole story was greater.

"How about you tell me the entire story from where we left off? Because you say I'm the only one who knows everything, but I know _nothing_."

Paul looked away and continued softly: "Right, well… you know most." He cleared his throat, but did not bring his gaze back to Lily. She was surprised by how much he had changed; he looked broken and lost. He looked nothing like the confident teenager who had squared his shoulders, held her gaze, and told her: _"I'd rather play a real game and lose."_ That teenager had had sharp, well-defined edges; the man who sat beside her was softened, almost erased.

"Um. So. My second year in London – it was your last year at Hogwarts. Um. I waited. I got by. I waited for you. My father was dating this foul woman, I swear she's part ghoul, but he thought she was lovely. He was doing so well. I'd never actually seen him that happy. But I didn't like her, I knew there was something off about her, I just didn't know what. I tried to tell my dad, but there was no use. And… uh… we found out…" His voice shook. "Remember what happened to my mum?"

Lily nodded. Paul's mother had been a Herbologist. One summer night, she had gone to collect samples in Scotland, and Apparated directly beside a dragon. The dragon was a mother; she killed the woman instantly. It had been a freak accident. No one had understood why there had been a dragon outside the Reserve.

"She fucking put the dragon there."

Lily gasped and put a hand to her mouth. Paul's voice was flat:

"So when my dad found out, he tumbled back into his hole, the one he'd gotten himself out of when I was twelve. I looked after him, and held it together, because. Um. You were coming. You were like a beacon, or something, I don't know." He shifted awkwardly. "So, um, when I learned you were in Austria, and with that stupid memorial party approaching… well. I lost it. I lost hope, and sanity, and the will to do anything really _good_ in life, so I downed the fuck out of my father's whiskey. And then I screamed at Sarah's mum for organising a really nice, _too nice _party for someone who was fucking _dead_."

His voice was hoarse from all his talking, but he continued, still looking in the distance:

"I didn't go back to Scotland after that. I went to London. I started dating Lena. She took my mind off stuff. With her I could pretend to be all the shit I wasn't: happy, and stable, and sober, and nice, and smart. She could make me in a respectable man, a man who didn't abandon his father and drown himself in bloody alcohol, because she didn't know about that. With her that didn't exist. I don't know if you understand?"

Lily nodded, but signalled him to clarify.

"Like, outside I was soaring. I was more successful, and I had a great relationship, and I looked happy. But inside I was falling deeper and deeper, I was just getting worse and worse. I was – I am still – so pathetic. I'm sorry I disappointed you. I bet you didn't expect me to be such an arse."

He turned towards her and flashed her a soft, crooked smile. She smiled back. "Yeah. Apologies accepted."

"So, um. I left her because it was wrong, what I did with her."

There was a pause. Lily broke the silence the best way she could think of: "Fuck, I need more coffee. Want anything?"

He shook his head. "What is it with you and coffee?"

Lily chuckled softly. "No, what is it with _you_ and coffee? Coffee's brilliant. Friedrich Nietzche, a Muggle philosopher, once said: Without coffee, life would be a mistake."

Paul smiled. "Funny, I always thought he'd said: 'Without _music_, life would be a mistake'."

Lily raised her eyebrow as she refilled her cup. "You know Nietzche?"

Paul laughed a bit. "Um, if I had a Knut for every time I heard you say that quote, the Gringotts goblins would have some serious expansion work to do on my vault."

Lily agreed and they laughed for a moment. It felt good.

"I take it coffee's your new love?"

Lily nodded and winked. "I'm still in the obsessive honeymoon phase."

Paul smiled knowingly. "The compose-day-long-symphonies, write-mile-long-poems phase."

They were silent again for a while, then Paul spoke. "So what's wrong?"

Lily looked at him sideways with a soft smile. "What makes you think there's something wrong?"

Paul pointed the living room's crumb-covered coffee table. "Chocolate biscuits."

Lily let out a short chuckle. "I always forget how well we know each other."

"So, why the chocolate biscuits? I'm sorry I interrupted the biscuit-eating ritual, by the way. I didn't realise how upset you were when I opened the door."

Lily sighed. "My job. I work for the wireless, did I tell you that?" He shook his head. "Anyway, I thought I'd work on, like, putting up Beethoven 9th Symphony or something – you know that one, you used to love it – " she sang a few notes. He nodded as he recognised the tune. "But instead I'm working on some inane pop music that makes Celestina Warbeck sound like a unicorn-angel-nymph. I hate it."

"So quit. Play for a Muggle symphony or something." Paul was serious.

Lily, however, was outraged. "Are you mad? I can't do that!"

"Of course you can! I'm sure you play well enough. And you'd just love it."

"No, I mean I can't do _that_. Getting a Muggle day job. I can't just go and start the Squib rumour-mill. No one wants to start the Squib rumour-mill. Especially not a Potter. It'll be all over _Witch Weekly_. Nuh-huh. No way."

"You're too old for the Squib rumour-mill, Lil. Plus, I did hear between the branches that the regular seeker position on the Cannons was yours if you wanted it."

Lily snorted. "Yeah… no." She sighed. "I'm just angry! I didn't study magical Transfiguration for four years to make shit! And I also didn't study at the IMAMT to become the seeker of the worst Quidditch team in Europe, or to play second violin in front of Muggle audiences. It's really disappointing."

Paul hummed sympathetically. "You'll find a way, I'm sure. And whatever it is you choose to do, um, I'll always be your friend."

Lily squinted at the strangeness of the situation. _Friends._ It was such a weird thing for them to be. And yet, it came naturally. It was as though their past as a couple existed, but was simply pushed aside to give way to something more important – mutual support and trust. Regardless of how changed they were, they were still the ones who knew most about each other.

She smiled wistfully. "You've changed, though."

Paul nodded.

"You've got a calmer sort of energy about you. More serious. But somehow, somewhere, I can tell you're just as bold as you used to be. And you're more… soft."

He chuckled. "Is that girl talk for 'fat'?"

Lily giggled. "No! If I thought you were fat I'd say so. Or maybe I just wouldn't have said anything. And you know I don't use girl talk."

"Of course. I was only joking."

"It suits you, though. Although if I were you, I'd start playing Quidditch again. Not to be fitter or anything, you don't need that, but it _would_… It'd make you feel better," she said while her ears and cheeks turned a bright shade of red. Her timing was awful, but she really did think a bit of flying would make Paul feel much happier and more like his younger self.

Paul's mouth quirked into a thoughtful grimace. "Hm… I haven't played in a really long time, Lil."

"Who cares? Come on, Paul. It'll be just for fun. There are tons of amateur leagues. And it's just what you need, I tell you."

"I'll see."

Judging she had insisted enough already, Lily changed the subject. "So, what are you going to do with your job?"

Paul inhaled sharply. "I'm staying. I know it looks like Helena got me there in the first place, but I worked really hard to get there. I was actually the only one with all O's in our Magical Law graduating class. And it's what I want to do. But… I'll change my course a bit." He paused. "Um, what about you? I mean, not that awful job of yours, but just, you know. How've you been?"

"Uh… I've had good days. I saw Sarah a lot. And her girlfriend. They're lovely. I've dated this guy, too, he was sweet…"

"Who?"

"Uh, Thomas Macmillan, he was a Hufflepuff just a year below you…"

"Thomas? Really? I thought he was…" He let his voice trail off.

"Yeah? Was what?"

"Nevermind. That's… odd. I mean he's the last type I'd imagine you with, but maybe that'll turn out to be just the reason why you two work out."

Lily did not know how to respond.

"Okay. So… um, do you have a place to stay?"

"The flat was hers. I, uh, thought of asking Al…"

Lily cut him. "Sev lives with his girlfriend now. And I think Gale does too. You can try J, I'm sure he'd like the company." She looked at the time. "It's getting late, though. You can have my sofa for the night."


	9. Floo Powder

IX. Floo Powder

Lily tucked her violin under her chin for what felt like the first time in ages. She swiftly laid her bow on the strings and started playing the first movement of her favourite Tchaikovsky violin concerto. It was a crazy, mad part that sounded like her teenage bouts of improvisation. It reminded her of how she had been then – of how, in a way, she was still. She realised that her fourteen-year-old self would always live somewhere inside her (just like Wes's fifteen-year-old self would always live somewhere inside him). There would always be a small part of her that would be dark, sad, angry, and lonely. A small part of her would always long for loud, discordant chords.

She thought about Paul's slip-up, last time she had seen him. _"Thomas? Really? I thought he was…"_ _Was what? _Oh, how that question nagged Lily! How could she ever coax the answer out of Paul? There was no way that she could think of. She could, however, think of a way to coax the answer out of Thomas himself. Perhaps, if she were lucky, her mere acting as though she knew what he was would give her the answer. Bluff worked well in a number of situations: why not here?

Thomas would arrive any minute now. She waited for him patiently, repeating her favourite passage of the piece she was playing. She rubbed her bow violently on the strings. One hair in her bow broke at the exact moment when Thomas popped out of the Floo. Lily was flushed.

"Um, hi! Thomas, how are you?"

He shook the ashes and the dust off his robes and smiled. "Wonderful! What about you, Lily? Have you been feeling less stressed?"

Without further ceremony or pretence, Lily jumped in the heart of her prepared bluff:

"Um, slightly. Look, uh… you took me on a wonderful date the other day, but there's something I don't really like. I know you're hiding something from me. Why don't you just tell me you're…" She let the thought trail off, hoping it sounded convincing enough to have him confess.

He looked startled and a bit panicked. His voice was higher than usual when he spoke: "How do you know?"

Lily gave him her best knowing look. "C'mon, Thomas. Be honest with me."

She studied his face, hoping she was not overdoing the bluff – because overdoing the bluff would mean that she would probably make him cry and never answer. He seemed a bit panicked, as if debating two options in his head. Lily had tried to appeal to his Hufflepuff nature. A Hufflepuff could never lie in this context. He exhaled sharply, looked at her, and spoke quickly:

"Lily, I'm terribly sorry, I know it looks as though I was just using you as a beard, but I wasn't. I was genuinely trying out being with a girl and I know that if I could fall for a girl then it would be you. But I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry that I can't, I can't…"

Lily managed to keep her expression unsurprised as she analysed the situation. Thomas was… gay? Really? Okay. She could handle this.

"Hey, it's all right, don't fuss over it. I just wanted to hear it from you. Don't…"

Lily was interrupted by a loud noise. A beaten shape emerged from Lily's fireplace, emitting coughs and cursing. Paul straightened up, looking surprised to be standing in Lily's living room. His eyes widened when he saw Thomas.

"Thomas?"

Thomas's face reddened dangerously. He looked thoroughly embarrassed and incapable of speaking. Lily said in surprise:

"Paul?"

Thomas's face kept reddening from humiliation – how it was possible for skin to become so red, Lily had no idea, and that meant something considering she was half-Weasley. Paul stammered:

"I… I'm sorry… I'm sorry to interrupt… I just… I'm sorry, I, uh, I was, I was at my dad's, and I needed… someplace quick, and… Uh…" He mumbled the rest of his pitiful speech: "Your place was the first I thought of."

There was a pause as Lily contemplated the awkwardness of the situation. First, _why?_ Or rather, _what?_ What in the world was going on? Thomas was completely frozen into place, stricken and flushed. Paul was panting, his eyes wide, his hair ruffled, a gash on his cheek, the contour of his eye darkening by the second, his robes grass-stained. Lily was… baffled. She looked at Paul and spoke calmly:

"Okay. So you knew about Thomas being gay, obviously." She turned to Thomas. "You can't speak around Paul – oh, that's a euphemism, isn't it? Is it?" She looked at them both in confusion. "What the blooming fuck?"

Paul breathed loudly. "Well, I knew about Thomas, that's all. The circumstances just happen to be awkward. It's really, _actually_ not as big of a deal as it looks like."

Lily knew instinctively that she would never know more than that. It was fine with her. Her new problem, now, was: _what to do with these two guys?_ It would be rude to ask Thomas to leave after a five-minute-date-that-was-not-actually-a-date-but-still. It would be inconsiderate to throw Paul out in his state of distress. Oh, the dilemma.

"I think I'll just leave," Thomas managed to squeak out.

Lily opened her mouth to protest. Paul said: "No, stay. I should… really… leave…"

Thomas waved off Paul's words and talked to Lily before Apparating out: "I'll owl you later. Bye."

Lily was about to comment the awkwardness of Paul's arrival as well as Thomas's departure when she realised that Paul looked as though he had just taken a beating from a hippogriff.

"Are you okay?"

"Um, not really. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here, but I really needed to make a quick escape. I should just leave."

"Are you mad? I can't let you leave looking like this!"

Paul looked confused. "Looking like what?"

Lily answered without thinking. "Like you were just attacked by a bloody dragon!"

Paul's expression immediately turned to a grimace of pain. Lily cursed herself for reminding him of his mother _in this situation_. Could she not have guests in her flat for a few minutes without provoking a social apocalypse? She took a few steps in her friend's direction.

"Paul, I'm sorry, I didn't mean – I spoke without thinking, I'm sorry…"

Paul let himself fall on the sofa beside him, covering his face in his hands.

"I thought I could maybe see Dad. His Auror reflexes are as good as ever. The visit didn't last long."

She sat beside him and put her hand on his shoulder. She could only imagine how awful his visit to his father had been. He folded his body in two, his forehead resting on his lap. He inhaled sharply and broke into a sob. Lily, helpless, just kept rubbing her hand on his shoulder.

After a while, she said softly:

"Do you remember the first time I cried in front of you? You wanted to be my friend and I told you I'd rather eat toast."

Paul let out a short, teary laugh. Lily continued:

"I'd eat toast now. It's almost dinnertime. Want some?"

He peeked up from his lap. "Toast for dinner? Okay."

"I'll fix you up first, though," she said before she waved her wand and whispered healing incantations, not daring to look Paul in the eyes.

Minutes later, they both sat in the kitchen, munching on toast.

"So," Paul said between two bites, "what are you going to do about your job?"

"I'm thinking about it. I might go back to school and research magical acoustics. I'm really unsure though. We'll see. What about… was it your first visit to your dad?"

He nodded. She noticed that he looked more confident than she had seen him look in five years.

"Huh. Sucks. He'll come around eventually. And if he doesn't, I can always come with you and transfigure his pants into a bunch of singing snails or something. That should startle him long enough for you to… do whatever."

She smiled tentatively. He looked at her in the eyes and smiled back. She found herself hypnotised by his two big, round, blue irises, as she had been so often before. His eyes were the same as they had always been – warm and magnetic. No matter how much he had changed, his eyes had remained the same.

His kiss took her by surprise. He had gotten up and leaned over the table and kissed her, and she had not even realised it. He had crossed the table, taken her in his hands and pushed her up on the countertop. Her mouth had followed as it explored his, her hands had followed as they ran over his body, and her legs had followed as they wrapped around him and hugged him closer, but her brain had not followed. It had been a long and confusing day, after all.

But when her brain _did_ catch up, she pushed Paul back.

"This is really stupid," she panted. She wanted so desperately to keep kissing him, but her common sense stopped her. It was not a good idea. They were friends. Lily had grown up without the luxury of having several friends: she knew just how precious friends were. "We're friends."

"We are. I'm sorry, Lil. I thought you wanted this too."

"I do! But I think we still have to give ourselves a bit of time to grow. You just broke up with Helena. I'm in the middle of a mini existential crisis. It'll come in time."

"Yeah. Okay. I should leave though. See you soon!"

"Say hi to J for me!"

"I will."

Paul was now gone, and Lily banged her head on the kitchen table, wondering why these catastrophes of bad timing always happened to her.


	10. Red Hair

X. Red Hair

**A/N: I'd like to thank each and every one of you who has taken an interest in this story and/or reviewed it. You've encouraged me to write! This update certainly didn't come so late by a lack of willingness on my part, but rather by a lack of energy. This story is coming slowly, but it is coming nonetheless.**

Even though Lily was embarrassed to be thrown her own party – for her graduation as well as for her birthday, no less – she was really excited to get a chance to see her family. It had been too long since she had last seen everyone. She wondered if she would be able to recognise all her cousins: she had last seen them all at Victoire's wedding, three years ago! She was not up-to-date with Weasley gossip. She had no idea what Fred and Roxanne were up to. She had never met Louis's girlfriend. She wondered if Hugo, Dominique and Teddy were still single. She had no idea of how Molly and Lucy looked, all grown up as they now were.

She was eager to speak to Charlie, whom she dearly missed and desperately needed to talk to. She wanted to tell him all about her disastrous job and what she planned to do about it. Lily was excited to see Luna, Lorcan and Lysander, as well; she had seen the Scamanders more recently, but she still missed them.

Others were invited: Neville, Viola, Sarah, and Allie.

Lily's two jobs made her feel as though she was bursting at the seams. The thought of seeing everyone she loved during the weekend made her week bearable.

* * *

Besides Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Albus, Harry, Ginny, and Lily, James and Teddy were the first to arrive. They landed at the Burrow in mid-afternoon, having flown there together. Lily threw herself in Teddy's arms, her feet lifting from the ground.

"Teddy!" She spoke soflty in his ear. "I've missed you so fucking much!"

Teddy put her back on the ground and winked. She noticed that his appearance was toned down: his usually brightly-coloured hair was now brown. Lily was stricken by his resemblance with his father, whom she had only ever seen in photographs. She felt a rush of pride from being able to call this handsome man her almost-step-brother. He smirked. "Taken to swearing, have we?"

James chirped in. "Swearing, and coffee drinking, and mead drinking, and casual se-"

"James!" Lily interrupted with an offended laugh, thankful that her parents were out of earshot. She turned towards Teddy. "I only drank mead once."

As she saw that James was playfully opening his mouth to protest, she told him: "Oh, go away, J. You see Teddy all the time. I don't."

At the same moment, James spotted Albus in the distance, hopped back on his broom, and flew in his brother's direction.

"So you're still single, huh?" She punched his arm softly, as she had often done when she was little.

Teddy made an unsure expression. "I wouldn't say that, Lil. I didn't want to bring anyone here, though. It's too soon."

Lily cooed. "Ooh, I must meet your special someone, Ted, I must! Some time this summer. When you're ready. And once I have enough time to breathe."

Ted lifted his eyebrows and teased her. "I don't see _your_ special someone, though."

She grunted in response. He chuckled at her sudden change of expression. Sliding his arm around her, he squeezed her once more before they approached the Burrow.

* * *

Rose and Scorpius arrived a few minutes later. Lily jumped on the opportunity to catch up with the cousin she had always felt closest to. Rose's hair was as red and bushy as always, and her face looked fresh and free of makeup. She smiled brightly at her cousin.

Lily was so immersed in their conversation that she did not notice the arrival the rest of the family until Rose furrowed her eyebrows and said:

"Oh, Auntie Angelina's not here. Shit." She bit her lip, and felt the need to change the subject. "So, _of course_ my work as a magical portrait hunter is a lot of fun, but what about _your_ new job, Lil?"

Lily sighed and rolled her eyes. "I honestly don't know what to say about that. It's horrible. It's just…" She sighed again. A second later, her face lit up, her eyes opened wide. "Ooh! Uncle Charlie's here! Hugo's the only one missing now. Tell him to come and see me when he gets here, would you? I'll talk to you soon, Rosie."

Without further ceremony, Lily took off in her favourite uncle's direction. She hugged him tightly. He still had the same familiar milky-honey scent.

"Uncle Charlie, I'm so glad to see you! How are the dragons?"

He smiled. "As wonderful as ever, of course."

"And… Ben?" It still felt weird for Lily to refer to her former professors without their title.

Charlie's smile became somewhat warmer. "He's excellent. We're excellent. Although, he's not here, of course. So, what is it you wanted to tell me?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "This awful job I have. Let's walk to Ottery St. Catchpole, okay? I have enough to say to fill the entire trip and more."

He laughed. "Fine by me. We probably shouldn't be gone for more than an hour, though, or your grandmother will freak out."

"I know. The jubilee cannot leave her own party, etc. So! My job is an absolute… hellhole."

For what felt like the thousandth time in the past few weeks, Lily told the tale of all her disappointments.

"And so Paul suggested I quit…"

"Paul? He's back in the picture?"

"Oh my, I've so many things to explain! Yeah, he is. We're friends-ish. Friends. Yeah. He acknowledged that he _was_ in fact an arse and he's changing. And I really did jump to conclusions when I first saw him. So, it's all fine, really. Yeah! He suggested I quit and play in a Muggle symphony. But like, I can't take a Muggle job! There are limits to blood-betrayal even a Weasley wouldn't cross. Or so Uncle Ron would say."

Charlie looked at Lily sideways. "He'd _say_ it, yeah, but he wouldn't mean it. What he would _think,_ but would never actually say, is that he wants you to be happy. Period."

"I can't be happy with the job I have now, anyway. I'm overworking myself. Just like you warned me not to do. But I don't know what else I could do that would make me truly happy."

"You know – nothing in my life makes me happier than my job, but that's not the case for everyone. Take your father, with a million side projects. What I mean is, it's important to love your job, but it's more important to be happy."

Lily grunted, thinking that her favourite uncle was not much help.

"Think about it, Lily. What makes you happier than anything?"

The answer came easily. "Music. Quidditch. Sunlight in the morning. The violin. The challenge of putting up symphonies. Chocolate biscuits. Grass beneath my toes. Coffee."

They were both staring at the road ahead, but she could hear Charlie's soft smile in his voice. "That's a start, isn't it? You're brilliant, Lily. You can do anything you put your mind to. You just have to decide what that is."

"I was thinking of research. I've heard of a specialist in the field of magical acoustics, Professor Louise Mackinnon. She might want to help me with my Master's Thesis. I'm just… I'm scared of quitting my job. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that it's not as fantastic as I imagined it to be. It's like I can't let go of the idea of it being an awesome job, even though it's not."

"What? My brave Lily, who fought through so much, who dared move to Vienna by herself before she even turned 18, is scared?" He teased. He continued more seriously: "You're going to have to take the leap eventually, you know. Or they'll have to put you in St-Mungo's for exhaustion, and that's the last thing I want."

Lily hummed. Charlie changed the subject:

"Now, may I hear the Paul-story, please?"

Lily giggled. "Of course."

* * *

The rest of the day did not disappoint Lily too much, although there were several people she did not have the chance to speak with. For starters, Lorcan and Lysander had not even come. Luna had smiled dreamily as she said:

"Oh, you know. The last thing my boys want is to be told how much they've grown, and we both know that's something your relatives love to say. They also aren't much fun to be around these days."

Louis had spent the entire time attached to the hip with his girlfriend, which reduced his conversation with Lily to a girlfriend-friendly level. Lily had only had the time to exchange a few words with Hugo before he snuck off with the Firewhiskey. Victoire was pregnant and therefore not the best company. Lily spent most of the night talking about Quidditch with Dominique and about the newest Transfiguration best-seller with Rose.

As dusk settled, the birds chirped and Lily thought vaguely that this – red heads, tight hugs, bad jokes, too much food, easy conversations – was home, and it was precious.


	11. Yellowed Grass

XI. Lips

**A/N: The end of this story is getting nearer! After this chapter, there will be one more chapter and an epilogue. Everything is planned out. It may take me time to write, but at least it will come.**

Empowered by the love she had received from her family at her graduation party, Lily found herself going forward with her life. She had requested and received a full-time position with the Cannons for the rest of the summer. She had quit her job at the WWN. She had contacted Professor Louise Mackinnon and presented her with a Master's Research Proposal.

She was still waiting for Professor Mackinnon's response, but at least she could breathe freely. Her exhaustion had flown out of the window a few days after her last day of work at the WWN. She now had plenty of time to play her violin. Additionally, summer was treating her kindly: her cheeks were perpetually rosy, and an army of freckles had blossomed on her skin. She enjoyed the season fully, as her trainings were almost always held outdoors. The Cannons, despite being the worst Quidditch team in Europe, was perhaps the team with the best morale. Her teammates never took themselves seriously and liked to imitate her eccentric crash-landing technique.

Lily liked one of her teammates in particular: Coraline, a replacement chaser who had only just graduated from Hogwarts and who had a goofy sense of humour.

Lily saw Paul too, occasionally. They talked, they laughed, and they never kissed. She noticed that he looked better every time she saw him. He had more energy and more confidence. He even signed up to play in an amateur Quidditch league with some of his colleagues from the Wizengamot Court. Lily was proud of him for it. She also appreciated the fact that he didn't push a romantic relationship onto her; he seemed to be simply waiting for her to tell him when she was ready, if she was ready. She knew some guys seemed to think girls "owed" them relationships after friendship, and she was glad that Paul had the decency to think otherwise.

However, she still loved Paul. She had never really stopped. But she liked this platonic relationship they shared. She liked how well they knew each other, how they could care for each other without being romantic, and how they could hug without kissing. It reassured her, made her feel like their love was more real. She knew that when she and Paul would jump once more in a romantic relationship, their bond would be stronger. She would be more confident. She would not fear not being able to love him enough.

It was a sunny and exceptionally hot day when Paul knocked on her door. Summer in London made Flooing exceptionally uncomfortable, as the ash and the dust tended to cling to sweaty skin.

Paul was smartly dressed. He looked nervous, biting his lip. "It's time, I think," he said.

It took Lily a few seconds to understand what he meant. "To try and see your dad again? You want help?"

He nodded once, sharply.

"I don't much fancy transfiguring your father's pants, though. I was only joking then," she said with a crooked smile.

He chuckled shortly. "Yeah. I know that. Just… for other stuff."

Lily nodded hesitantly. "Okay. Do you… Do you have a plan?"

Paul stepped in the flat and closed the front door, then sat on the living room sofa. Lily followed.

"Sort of," he said. "What do you think of a Cheering Charm?"

It was so simple; Lily snorted. "Really? A Cheering Charm?"

"Well, they're undetectable, aren't they? They can be cast from a distance. If we're lucky we'll be able to cast it before setting off my dad's Sneakoscope. And well, my father could use a Cheering Charm," Paul answered defensively.

"But you cast flawless Cheering Charms, Paul. Why do you need my help?"

Paul looked aside for a second, biting his lip. "Um, this is the part I didn't tell you about. Last time I saw him, which was, uh, when I dropped in here when Thomas was with you… Well, that time, he was very angry, obviously, and, uh… he…" Paul mumbled the rest. "He threatened to hire Dementors to guard his house."

Lily's eyes widened. "Oh," she breathed.

"Yeah."

A weight seemed to fall on Lily's shoulders. She sunk in her sofa, remaining silent for a minute. Finally, she cleared her throat. "So. Moral support, huh? I haven't cast a Patronus in a long time, Paul. Since my Defence NEWTs. And it wasn't my best magical work."

He sighed. "That makes two of us, then. Except it's been six years for me, and only four for you."

She rolled her eyes. "Four years, yeah, but I never even produced a corporeal Patronus. You did. It was a lion. It was really impressive."

Paul blushed and Lily prided herself in being the one to provoke the rare occurrence. When she spoke again, her voice was softer, gentler:

"And after the Cheering Charm?"

Paul's cheeks slowly regained their usual colour. "We'll have to wing it, I guess."

The air was charged. Lily sighed loudly, and then smiled up at Paul. "Let's do it, then. Let's go."

He smiled back. "Okay. Yeah. You're ready?"

She nodded once, a whimsical grin on her face.

* * *

Lily let go of Paul's arm when they Apparated by his father's house. The heat and the humidity immediately struck her, filling her lungs and stopping her breath for a moment. She could barely spot the house under all the overgrown grass, weeds and plants. The vegetation had yellowed and writhed with the heat. The entire place looked abandoned.

There were no Dementors in sight, though. And if the temperature was any indication, there were no Dementors within a very large radius. Lily sighed in relief, turned her head, and looked up at Paul, smiling. His lips quirked up; he seemed to have noticed the absence of Dementors as well. Lily squeezed his hand, then let it go and took out her wand.

Even if Paul's father owned the most powerful Sneakoscope on the market, Paul and Lily could still approach the residence by another ten meters. They took cautious steps and stopped, raising their wands.

Lily's heart beat loudly in her chest. She whispered, "I know Cheering Charms can be cast from a distance, but they're a bit difficult when you can't see your subject. We could Summon the Sneakoscope."

Paul whispered back, "Yeah, but what if he's sitting right beside it? Wouldn't you be rather worried to see your Sneakoscope flying out of your house? And I bet he made it unsummonable."

She drew a shaky breath. "Okay. You think you can do this?"

He nodded confidently, took a breath, and flicked his wand. Lily immediately felt her fear and anxiety evaporate, leaving only positive thoughts in her head. She gasped. "Did you just cast a Cheering Charm on the entire area?" Paul smiled in response. Lily was astonished and, wanting to cry out, she whispered with difficulty, "That's amazing. I've never seen anyone do that before."

He blushed. "I cast light ones over certain buildings sometimes, just because, well. A little cheering goes a long way."

She grinned widely. "That's really great. Can you remove it from me, though? I'm feeling a bit overenthusiastic right now, and I don't think that's a really good thing."

Paul proceeded. Lily's thoughts became clearer. She continued, "What if your father blocked charms, though?"

"Who blocks Cheering Charms?"

"He's a good fit for the part," she replied without missing a beat.

"Good point," He conceded. "What should we do now?"

"Hm… You could go in with your wand in your pocket. I think your dad would like that. I'll conceal myself and cover for you," Lily offered with a shrug.

"You want me to go in there unarmed? Do you remember what I looked like the first time I went?"

She bit her lip. "I do. I just think, if it were me, and you barged in with a wand casting charms all over the place, I'd freak out."

He seemed to ponder the idea for a few seconds, before nodding. "Okay. Do you need help with the Concealment Charm?"

Lily nodded. "Please."

Moments later, she was invisible. Paul slid his wand in the pocket of his trousers, his hands slightly shaking. Lily's senses were alert. They walked towards the house at a steady pace, not too slowly. At first, only their loud breaths and the crunch of their feet on the dead grass were audible. Then, there were hustling sounds coming from inside the building. Paul and Lily's breaths shook, but they kept their pace steady.

The door opened, and Paul's father came out. He looked nothing like he had when Lily had seen him, years ago. His hair and beard were overgrown, uncombed and unwashed. His clothes were faded and dirty. He looked like he had just been released from Azkaban. In one hand, he held a filthy bottle of liquor. He used his other hand to point his wand directly towards his son's chest, five meters away.

Paul's breath caught. He stopped in his tracks and raised his hands on either side of his head, showing that they were empty. He looked his father in the eyes. Lily thought he looked like a hare that had just heard a loud cracking sound in the forest: innocent, on guard. She had raised her invisible wand, ready to block any curse Paul's father would cast.

Lily's heart beat louder than ever in her chest. She felt like something might explode any second now. Instead, Paul's father opened his hands, dropping both his wand and his bottle on the stone floor in front of the door. The bottle made a clanging sound but did not break. The man sunk to his knees, placed his elbows on his thighs, took his head in his hands, and started sobbing.

Lily used the loud moment to whisper in Paul's ear, "I'll leave you two together. I'm Apparating back."

Paul nodded. Lily saw him drape his arms around his father before she was sucked into oblivion and brought back to her flat.


	12. Forgiveness

XII. Forgiveness

Lily was standing in the middle of the living room, furiously playing a discordant violin concerto. She could not sit or stop playing for more than two seconds for she was overwhelmed with anxiety. What happened to Paul? Was he all right? Was his father all right? What if something happened to them? How would she know?

Playing the violin helped her forget, as it always did. It occupied her mind, leaving less room for worry. She could focus on the impossible runs, on the soon-to-appear blisters on her fingers, on the rhythm, on the sonority. Paul and his woes formed a small cloud at the back of her head, nagging but easily overpowered by the rest.

She did not know how many times she had repeated the first movement; she only knew that, by the time Paul Apparated beside her, the golden sunlight of the setting sun shifted through her living room window.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I didn't want to scare you, but I've been knocking on your door for five minutes and I could hear you playing but I don't think you could hear me."

Lily nodded slowly. "That's fine." She paused to look at him. He looked calm, but a bit shaken. She set her violin on the coffee table and fell back on the sofa. He sat beside her. "How did it go?" she asked.

"Well. That is – not _well_, but much better than I expected. I apologised. A lot. After a while he accepted to go to St. Mungo's. I took him there and I helped him settle everything. I stayed with him a while – did you just play the whole time?"

Lily swallowed. "Yeah."

"You didn't eat?"

"…No."

"You haven't had lunch and dinner?" He raised his voice, exasperated.

Lily felt defensive. This happened to her rather often. "I didn't exactly realise I'd skipped _lunch and dinner_," she answered, rolling her eyes. "What about you? Do you want anything? I'll whip something up."

"I ate at the hospital." He leaned towards her, locking his eyes with hers. "Are you okay, Lil? I'm sorry I asked you to come, I just…"

In that moment, Lily could not listen to another word Paul said. His apologies were useless. This was it. This was the moment she had been waiting for. It was the time to show him that she was ready for a romantic addition to their relationship. She looked in Paul's eyes and saw love and concern. She had refused his kiss, weeks ago, and yet he still looked at her the same way. An immense wave of warmth crashed on her heart. Lily did not hesitate for another second to make her lips meet his.

The kiss was rough as first, but it fell into place quickly. Lily instantly remembered everything she knew about Paul's mouth – its shape, its texture, its wetness. The two of them kissed as if they had never grown apart.

They were interrupted by the loud grumble of Lily's stomach. She smiled into the kiss then pulled back. She giggled. "I think I need to eat first."

The two of them went to the kitchen. She pulled out a pan and threw in a bit of oil. With a few waves of her wand, she cut vegetables and started grilling them. She added chickpeas, spices, and noodles. Minutes later, her meal was ready. She gulped it down hungrily. In the meantime, Paul talked:

"So, is this something you do often? Forget to eat?" He smiled at her affectionately. She nodded, munching on broccoli. He chuckled. "That doesn't surprise me. You could play the violin forever, couldn't you?"

She swallowed her food and said, "Not _forever_. But almost."

"Good. Your violin can't have you all to itself, now. I want to spend time with you, too." He smiled so brightly that Lily almost forgot how to swallow. "I've always loved hearing you play. Do you remember the first time you played for me? That's when I fell in love with you. I never stopped loving you, I think. I just _forgot_ I loved you when I was with Helena."

Lily was almost done with her meal. "I'll confess something too, then. I dislike kissing. It's kind of disgusting, no? When I was in Vienna, I used to sleep with a friend of mine. We almost never kissed. But with you it's different. It isn't disgusting at all."

"What is he like?"

Lily munched on another bite before she answered. "His name's Wes. He's German. He looks a bit like a vampire – you know: dark hair, fair skin, tall, skinny. He's the type that's really clever and really sad. We talked a lot."

"Did you like him?"

She almost choked on her food from laughter. "Paul! I don't just offer people I dislike to live in my flat!"

"He lived with you?" Paul was slowly losing his calm.

"Yeah. He got kicked out of his old flat. We were lonely. We were friends."

There was a pause, which gave Paul time to regain his composure and Lily time to eat (and roll her eyes).

"Did you love him?" Paul asked so quietly that Lily might have missed it.

"Yeah. I love him a lot. He was my best friend for four years. But I never loved him like I love you, if that's what you mean. I wish you'd stop exaggerating this whole thing."

Paul smiled and got lost in his thoughts again, while Lily finished her plate.

"Is he okay?"

Lily raised her head in interrogation. "Who?"

"Wes."

She decided that, however how much she wanted to ask Paul why he was wondering that, it would be better to just answer. "I don't know. His last letter was weird."

"He's worrying you."

Lily nodded and got up to rinse her plate. "I don't think he'll ever be happy. Some people are like that."

"And you? Are you happy?"

Lily froze, facing the sink, her back to Paul. "Yeah," she replied sharply, scrubbing her plate. Why were tears stinging her eyes? Why did she find it so difficult to speak? She was happy, was she not? Her life was going in a great direction. Paul had made up with his father. She was with Paul again. She had to be happy.

She felt Paul's hands on her shoulders. They slid down her back and around her waist. His cheek rested on Lily's head. Enveloped in his warmth, she succumbed to her tears. They stood together for a while, immobile but for her sobs. Part of Lily wanted to turn around and hug Paul back; the other part of her wanted to run off and cry alone. Unable to choose, she just stood still. After a while, she spoke:

"I should be happy. But I feel like I don't deserve it. I feel guilty. I keep hurting people. I'm like a bull in a china shop."

"That's not true," he offered comfortingly, turning her around. He kissed her forehead, but she pulled back.

"It is! Look at you! Look at all the things I did to you! Even before we were together, and when I left you, and when I left you again… And once I graduated, did I ever send you one single miserable letter? No! Then I came back and I just judged you!"

"Come on, Lily, I'm not exactly innocent here."

"You are! I can't think of a single occasion when you disrespected me."

Paul sighed. "But I have other faults, Lil. I was weak…"

"Weak? You went through hell! _I_ put you through hell! That blasted _ghoul_ put you through hell! _Life_ put you through hell! I'd have killed myself in your place!"

"You wouldn't have, and it's not an excuse." Lily opened her mouth to protest, but he cut her firmly: "It's not. Nothing can excuse my behaviour, Lily. Nothing."

Lily leaned into Paul. "Do you forgive me?" she mumbled against his shoulder.

"I do. Of course. Lily…" He took her shoulders and gently pushed her back so as to look into her eyes. "If you hadn't acted the way you did, you wouldn't be the person you are. And I love _you_."

**A/N: This is the last chapter! I'll write a short epilogue, too. I'm sorry it took me so long to gather the courage to publish it.**

**Originally, I wanted to have Sarah get angry with Lily for getting back with Paul, and telling Lily she deserved better than Paul. Lily would have reacted by arguing that she didn't deserve anything, because she has done such horrible things – to Paul, but also to Sarah, Neville, Kate, and others. It would have been all kinds of angsty and dramatic. When I wrote the chapter, though, I decided that it was better for Lily to come clean about her guilt **_**to Paul**_** in order for them to have a happy and stable relationship. I'm glad I made that decision; I'm not 100% satisfied with this story, but then again I never could be.**

**Thank you for sticking with me until the end! I will publish other works soon, but they won't necessarily be similar to this one.**


	13. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

_Dear Kate,_

_I'm sorry. I felt guilty for the longest time without even realising. But I'm sorry. I hope you know that, somehow. I hope you know we were both too young and too scared and too innocent for having such horrible things happen to us._

_I want you to know that I'm finally doing well. I'm laying flat on my stomach in my bedroom, still under the covers. This page is propped against my pillow. The light of the rising sun fills the room. It makes his face glow – you'd say he looks like an angel, asleep and peaceful and naked and beautiful. I used to think I could never deserve to wake up to such a heavenly sight. But now, I believe I do. I'm worthy of this happiness._

_September is coming quickly. You know how it is: one moment it's summer and the next you're buying school supplies! Do you remember how excited we used to get? How our parents scolded us for getting hay on our new dresses every end-of-August? Well, I bought new sheet music to prepare and I've already played it so many times I know it all by heart._

_(That's right. I'll be studying music. I'll be putting up wonderful pieces. I'll become knowledgeable enough to write books and teach and compose operas, or whatever it is I want to do. And this time, it'll work out the way I want it to, because this time, I am the strong, complete, skilled person I was always meant to be.)_

_I don't know what else to tell you. Sometimes I play "The Swan" and it makes me cry and smile at the same time. And now, I'll get up and make some eggs and toast with tea. I'll make the eggs the way you preferred them; it's also the way he prefers them._

_I love you. (Please know that I always have and still do.)_

_Lily_


End file.
